(no subject)

[for_everyone]

Hera couldn't be blamed for checking her chronometer again. Or at least, that's what she was telling herself. There was down time, but it was precious, and somehow the lack of any contact on her comm was what made her even more inclined to keep being sure they were still well within that down period. The Ghost was locked down in the most recent bit of Garel spaceport they'd managed to claim, and Chopper was on guard duty while most of the organic members of the crew were resting after an extremely eventful day. Hera had been surprised when, after they'd finished their debrief with Sato, Kanan had passed his own cabin to follow her.

She left the doors locked, but slid down the volume of the music she'd put on. There wasn't much privacy on a fully-manned freighter, but if the other crew had noticed anything, or cared, they hadn't mentioned it, and Hera would rather let them raise it if they wanted to. It probably wasn't the most responsible way to handle it, but – there was so much else to think about. But it was so much easier to let one thing be uncomplicated, even if she knew it wasn't.

Her boots are by the door, her gloves and goggles on the shelf in the aft wall of the cabin. Her chronometer leaned against her gloves, and she set the music player down next to them, leaving these where they were for the moment and moving back toward the cot.

Comments

[for_everyone]

"All right," Hera says, with a small nod.

But, for the moment, that's all she says.

[notallofus]

Kanan rubs his face with his free hand, breathing.

"He makes it hard to forget what happened. I really thought I'd done it, or that I could do it, but -- "

[for_everyone]

Hera takes a deep breath, and then, mildly -

"I've never been sure about forgetting."

[notallofus]

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure that was the wrong thing for me to be doing. I don't know why I've been so stubborn about it."

He huffs out a breath that isn't a laugh.

"If I hadn't tried for so long . . . "

[for_everyone]

"I don't think you had a choice for a while."

She presses her fingers against his. "But I - I hope we're helping you have more of one now."

[notallofus]

"You are," he says instantly. "You have been. You always have been."

He holds on to her hand very tightly, grip easing after a long few seconds.

"I think I didn't realize I was so angry. Before."

[for_everyone]

"You were't allowed to be angry before, either," Hera surmises.

"And now you're being asked to... do something like forgive without even getting to be angry about it first."

[notallofus]

Kanan frowns heavily, shaking his head.

"It's petty, though, right? Not what happened, but -- "

He tries again,"I mean, considering all we have going on, all we have to do, what the stakes are . . . "

[for_everyone]

"It's not petty," Hera says, after a moment of silence. "But -"

Her thumb twitches, gently pressing along the palm of his hand. "- I don't always have time for it."

[notallofus]

He snorts a little, spreading out his hand to give her easier access to the lines on his palm.

"I know. I can't blame you for it. You've got a lot on your plate, and we're all better off for that."

[for_everyone]

"That's true," she says, without coyness

Still, she tilts her head. "But maybe you can blame me a little."

[notallofus]

His mouth curves up at one corner, the barest of motions.

"What if I don't want to?"

[for_everyone]

"Well, I can't make you," she says, with her own small smile.

"But you'd know that you should question your commanding officer."

[notallofus]

He huffs out a quick breath, halfway between a snort and a laugh. It's still a tired sound, though.

"And here I thought I did more than enough of that."

Over the years, at least.

[for_everyone]

Hera's quiet for a moment, and then -

"Maybe I'm saying don't let up just because..."

Well...

[notallofus]

"That's not why."

He shakes his head a little, lifting his arm up so he can better see Hera's face.

"Just -- the fight's gotten a lot bigger. There are a lot more people depending directly on you, on your decisions, and I don't want -- "

[for_everyone]

"I know, I get it."

She takes a breath, keeping one hand over his as she straightens up from him. "It's just been a strange transition, from when we were able to discuss these things freely."

[notallofus]

He sits up, too, a little sluggishly.

"It's not that I don't want to talk to you."

Never that. Well, usually not that, anyway.

"You know that, right?"

[for_everyone]

"I do."

She pats his hand, and then slowly moves to rise from the cot.

"I just - I don't know. I worry about what I'll become like this."

[notallofus]

He sits up again, swinging his own legs closer to the side. Then he reaches out to take her arm, in case she tries to move too far from the bed.

"You've always been our captain. But -- I'm here for you. If you want to talk."

Because it sure sounds like she does. And he wants to be there for her.

[for_everyone]

She doesn't try to pull away, but glances sideways down to him.

"I'm not sure this is going to make much sense."

[notallofus]

Kanan quirks his mouth up at one corner, and his gaze is fond.

"That's all right. I'm pretty sure I don't make a lot of sense half the time, and you deal with that pretty well."

He can only return the favor, right?

[for_everyone]

"All right."

Hera leans back against the bunks, shifting her arm in his grasp to take his hand again. "I, um..."

She takes a breath, and then makes herself articulate it. "I worry about - becoming like my father."

So. There's that.

[notallofus]

Of all the things Kanan was expecting to hear, somehow that was not it. But at the same time . . .

"Giving everything for the mission?"

[for_everyone]

"Given... everything."

Her eyes are down, and she idly presses her fingers into his palm. "And I know I am like him, I know I will be, I just -"

She leans her head back against the bunk. "I hope I learned anything else from him."