Mirrorverse AU

[for_everyone]

In the past week or so, a strange feeling had been curling up inside Hera. Mitth'raw'nuruodo had been gone for nearly three weeks, leaving her alone with the crew of his ship for the first time. She had been terrified at first, even though she hadn't shown it – some part of Hera couldn't stop believing that without Thrawn's protection, the others would suddenly decide she wasn't worth the efforts he had organized for her. But when nothing like this happened, when there was still bitter soup for her in the galley, and pilot training and math and history lessons, Hera's nerves had relaxed, and she slept easier in her bunk again.

But then those strange feelings began to surface. Hera found herself stopping outside the door to Thrawn's office, watching it longingly, imagining herself opening it and finding him inside. She pulled out the bits of cardboard and paper she used to practice chess, but instead of setting up a game, she just looked at each scrawled piece, thinking of how the pieces of Thrawn's polished wood set felt in her hands. She didn't know what to call this, didn't know what to think of the sick feeling growing in her stomach, until T'lul passed by as she was standing outside Thrawn's door again, and said, offhand, "Oh, you miss him."

Apparently these feelings weren't so strange after all. Or they weren't supposed to be. But Hera couldn't remember 'missing' anyone before. It did give her some comfort to put a name to these feelings, to know they were common, but at the same time it also made the twist in her stomach worse, as it was another reason altogether to want him back here, something else she'd want to tell him, so that he could explain it to her. He hadn't told her where he was going, only that it likely wouldn't be safe for him to communicate until he returned. In the last few days, a new fear had slipped in, that he wouldn't return, that he could be captured or his shuttle destroyed. Inside her, the thought felt like a rope being cut, and then falling.

And then, finally, Ishno shakes her awake in her bunk, whispering that he has returned. Her feelings must have been obvious to everyone, but Hera doesn't think about that. She lets herself rush through cleaning and dressing, but makes herself walk once she leaves her bunk, and makes her way up to Thrawn's office.

Comments

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"It would likely prove quite challenging, yes."

He chooses only to be honest, at least here and now.

"But this does not mean it would not be worth it to go, should you wish to. Unless there is something else you prefer to seek, in the shape of your future."

[for_everyone]

For a moment, Hera closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath, and for the first time since this conversation began, some of the tightness in her shoulders slips away. She looks back up at him, her gaze steady this time.

"I don't know what my future would be, on Ryloth."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"Neither do I," Thrawn acknowledges.

"I only think that you should have the chance to find out, if you want it. But I do not demand it, not from you."

[for_everyone]

"And here?" she asks, no glance away now.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"There would be several potential pathways for you here. You might join the crew, for one, at any position you showed aptitude for."

He imagines there are multiple ways Hera might choose to develop her skills.

"Or you might, as you grow older, become one of my intelligence operatives."

Perhaps he should not prefer the latter for her, and yet . . .

Still, he strives to give no sign of it by any outward appearance.

[for_everyone]

After a moment, Hera does blink away. But she looks forward, and steps to Thrawn's desk again, placing the kalikori back on its surface.

"I don't want to be hiding and, waiting for them to come again."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

Thrawn is silent for a moment, taking that in.

Then --

"Very understandable. Is that what you think you'll do, here?"

[for_everyone]

Her look back to him is sharp. "No.

"Here - I know I won't."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"I see." His smile is thin, but not false.

"I admit that I am very pleased to hear that. I think it may still be too early to place you into any particular track of training, but if you have ideas, I would certainly like to hear them."

A pause.

"And, of course, we can continue to look into the kalikori language and Twi'lek history -- and your family's history -- while doing so."

[for_everyone]

Hera also smiles, briefly.

As it fades, her hands fold, and it's a few seconds before she speaks, as she decides whether her question is one she wants to ask aloud.

At last, she can't help but feel it's really now or never.

"You'd like me to stay?"

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"I enjoy your company," Thrawn says frankly. "And I believe I have a great deal to teach you."

Even as he speaks, Thrawn recognizes that he hasn't quite answered her question, not in a way that is a kindness to a child, anyway.

"Which is to say, yes."

[for_everyone]

A pause, and then she answers, "I enjoy your company, too."

She may smile, quickly, again.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

His smile this time is a little wider, and to another Chiss, the increased warmth in his cheeks would be obvious.

"I'm glad to hear that. There was less . . . fondness between myself and the ones who fostered me. I imagine I was a difficult child to contain."

[for_everyone]

Hera's smile fades as she considers this, her lekku swaying slightly as her head tilts.

"I think maybe I am," she says.

"Difficult to contain."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"I quite disagree," Thrawn says.

"Though perhaps that is from one difficult child to another, and should be taken with some leavening. I've always found my modes of thinking to serve me well. And the cause, too."

[for_everyone]

She's silent another moment, though this time her eyes linger on his.

But she nods, and then says, "I don't how other people would - see me."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"They like you," Thrawn responds promptly.

"You're quiet, much of the time. You're quick, and clever, and you know how to get out of the way. You think, but you don't always speak immediately. I -- struggled with that latter piece, very much."

His chuckle is dry.

"Some think I still do."

[for_everyone]

Hera thinks this over, and says, "Maybe you wouldn't, in my place."

It's not cold, or reminding, but a practical observation.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"It's possible," Thrawn allows. "Or in your place, I may have been already dead."

A momentary silence.

"But here we are."

[for_everyone]

Hera hesitates, then shrugs silently, unsubtly the kind of response one might give when they disagree but don't want to say so.

"Yes, sir."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

He raises one eyebrow.

"You disagree? Then continue, please."

[for_everyone]

She doesn't look away, though her hands twist slightly in her lap.

"I don't think you would be dead. Probably."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"Probably," Thrawn repeats. His voice is only a little dry.

"What evidence suggests that to you, Hera? If I may ask, of course. I do not wish to pry."