Not As Much of a Jerk As You Could Have Been AU

[for_everyone]

Hera left the bridge as they fell out of hyperspace near the edge of the Unknown Regions. It was their first opportunity to make contact with the rest of the Resistance in nearly three weeks, and she had decided to do so in her ready room, fully expecting back and forth with Admiral Ackbar and General Organa concerning her overtures toward the Chiss. It also meant that she took the very rare step of leaving Thrawn alone on her bridge.

It takes longer than expected for her to get a signal through to Leia. And when she finally does, she's quickly glad she chose to have this conversation in private.

It's nearly an hour before she has sent word back to the bridge. Coordinates, closest to the Reviya system, nearly on the edge of Wild Space. These are the only instructions, along with a note to Thrawn to join her as soon as possible.

Without a pause for confirmation, the officers move to their stations to calculate the jump.

Comments

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"I would not have liked being a menial," he says at last. "My own martial nature was apparent from the time i was very young . . . I would have chafed against such a role, and sought to prove myself more talented."

That's the only answer he can find in himself, just now.

[for_everyone]

"And if there was no way to do that?"

She looks over to him. "Nothing you could prove, nothing that could change their minds?"

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"Hmm. Perhaps then I would have left. But it would have been . . . hard. To leave the Ascendancy is to leave oneself behind. Or so we were taught, when I was young."

Perhaps it is different now.

"It does seem to be much the same now, as our last visit revealed, but -- "

[for_everyone]

"And if you couldn't leave?"

She's still watching him now, her voice patient, and even.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"Self-destruct, in the end. Would be my guess."

His passions ran hot, when he was young. Particularly before he learned military discipline.

[for_everyone]

Hera lets out a breath.

"Can you understand that some couldn't accept that outcome?"

[grandadmiralartcritic]

Thrawn frowns, now, just a bit.

"For themselves? Or for others. I understand the latter more intellectually than the former, I will admit. But. Yes, I suppose, I do."

[for_everyone]

Hera turns away again.

"It's not this simple. But you might consider that you didn't mind the box you were put in because it wasn't one meant to destroy you. You could feed your ambitions, find satisfaction and fulfillment, even if it was in the service of something else."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"And those that cannot . . . not all of them might leave, nor might they wish to cease to exist."

Hmm.

It would certainly explain more of the Rebellion's eternal resupply of members. And the fire that put them head-and-shoulders above even the Emperor's most well-trained troops.

(And, in the end, the Emperor himself.)

[for_everyone]

"And so -"

She opens her hands, looking down at them. "- conflict."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"I see."

There is another silence, but Thrawn finally sets his water back down, hands clasped loosely in his lap.

"And do these individuals in the First Order feel somehow . . . oppressed?"

[for_everyone]

She goes quiet again, still looking down.

"The Republic had its problems. But I also think - to those who gained at the cost of others, losing that can seem to them like oppression.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"And so they seek to regain what they feel is lost. Hmm."

It's not a lot to absorb, exactly.

"It seems a great many people regard life in this galaxy as a zero-sum game."

[for_everyone]

"Didn't you?" she asks, glancing back at him again.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

Thrawn considers this, then inclines his head in a very slight nod.

"Perhaps. In certain categories more than others. It is a very narrow point of view, and I find it . . . chafes, now."

[for_everyone]

Hera tilts her head back, and murmurs, "That's probably a good sign."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"I beg leave to hope so, yes. But the question of what to do with that, how to make something new . . . fit, as it were -- that remains opaque to me."

Alas.

[for_everyone]

She leans her head forward again, thinking this over.

"Maybe you need to think about your reason for being here," she says. "Aside from wanting to be useful."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

His smile is thin-lipped, as always.

"And, if I am able to deliver a clearer reason, perhaps your own offer of aid will be easier to grant."

Thrawn knows he is difficult. He may not know how to stop being difficult, but at least he is aware of it. Perhaps the rest will come.

[for_everyone]

She shakes her head. "Thrawn, I think you can tell by now - none of this is to make anything easier on me."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"If there were a way it could be," Thrawn says, after a long moment. "I might wish for that. But as the past cannot be altered . . . "

[for_everyone]

"It's nothing worth talking about."

Because no, the past can't be altered.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"Precisely."

He only sounds tired as he says that.

[for_everyone]

Hera nods looking down to collect up her now empty ration package and water bottle.

"They'll be wondering where we are."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

Thrawn nods, gathering up his own refuse and standing, too.

"Morale is already shaky enough. I thank you for your time, General. And your assistance."