Hera Syndulla (
for_everyone) wrote2018-08-12 12:00 pm
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Hera never brings him food herself. She does usually help prepare it – she has a better sense of the Terran diet than most, and when it comes down to it, she doesn't fully trust the others not to poison a meal they know is going to their half-Terran 'guest.' But she always finds someone she does trust to take it into him. And then, at first, she'd waited, leaving him to eat alone before she entered his room.
She kept to the first. But the second, she gradually eased. Hera remembered how total her isolation had been, and what had eased in her when she'd grown used to sharing meals. That was something she could do, even if she wouldn't serve him.
So the time she waits becomes shorter and shorter. Until today, when it's only a few minutes after seeing Muroc exit the makeshift cabin that she approaches. She nods to the guard, and then though she doesn't have to, she knocks on the door. She doesn't wait for an answer before entering the room.
She kept to the first. But the second, she gradually eased. Hera remembered how total her isolation had been, and what had eased in her when she'd grown used to sharing meals. That was something she could do, even if she wouldn't serve him.
So the time she waits becomes shorter and shorter. Until today, when it's only a few minutes after seeing Muroc exit the makeshift cabin that she approaches. She nods to the guard, and then though she doesn't have to, she knocks on the door. She doesn't wait for an answer before entering the room.
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His shoulders sag a little as he says that, and he turns his head away.
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But it may help her understand how Kanan operates.
"And you'd rather have the chance to build up trust," she guesses. "To act honestly."
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It's an unforgivable weakness. He knows it. He just . . . doesn't care anymore.
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"How much do you trust yourself?"
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It's all he can think to say.
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She blinks away, her right hand reaching out to brush the pieces again. "Not just to get better at it, but to learn - how they use them. What they think is right and wrong. And what you'd want to do with them. So you can trust yourself a little more, first."
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"Okay."
He swallows.
"Do you have one in mind?"
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Hera has no idea how to describe Holdo's personality. 'Open' seems so obvious. 'Strange' - not very helpful. 'Different' seemed to the most accurate, but would also probably be meaningless for Kanan.
"You might need some time to - get used to her. But she'll want to help you."
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"A pity project?"
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"Is that how Terrans view anything not cruel or self-serving?"
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"Probably, if they ever did anything like that. I wouldn't know."
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Kanan's voice is soft.
"But she wasn't Terran."
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But now Hera looks away, and she doesn't continue this thought.
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"What?"
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She doesn't look up. After a few seconds, she shakes her head.
"Maybe, I thought - they have their children, too."
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"Maybe for full-Terran children it's different."
Something passes across his face that isn't quite a flinch.
"Maybe if they're not an officer's children."
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"Then we won't know."
Hera takes a breath, and seems to draw herself back up again. "But if you work with someone who can help you trust yourself, it might help you start to trust others."
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Then --
"Is it worth it?"
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For this, there's no moment of hesitation, or consideration. "It's better not to be alone. Not all the time."
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"I'm afraid."
It's only the truth.
"Were you?"
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There's still no point in lying.
"But I had very little to lose."
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A pause.
"I don't even want my father to care, anymore. But -- "
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"You don't have to be like me."
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It doesn't last.
"But I'll try."
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