Not As Much of a Jerk As You Could Have Been AU

[for_everyone]

Hera left the bridge as they fell out of hyperspace near the edge of the Unknown Regions. It was their first opportunity to make contact with the rest of the Resistance in nearly three weeks, and she had decided to do so in her ready room, fully expecting back and forth with Admiral Ackbar and General Organa concerning her overtures toward the Chiss. It also meant that she took the very rare step of leaving Thrawn alone on her bridge.

It takes longer than expected for her to get a signal through to Leia. And when she finally does, she's quickly glad she chose to have this conversation in private.

It's nearly an hour before she has sent word back to the bridge. Coordinates, closest to the Reviya system, nearly on the edge of Wild Space. These are the only instructions, along with a note to Thrawn to join her as soon as possible.

Without a pause for confirmation, the officers move to their stations to calculate the jump.

Comments

[grandadmiralartcritic]

Thrawn turns his water container between his hands, gaze momentarily fixed on it.

"I do not know if I shall ever gain the knack."

[for_everyone]

She waits for a few second, taking the time to finish off the protein mix.

"I don't think being a realist is a bad thing. But they're not mutually exclusive."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"I can see that to be true for other people," Thrawn admits, after taking a few moments to finish off his own ration pack.

"Bridging that gap for myself is less clear. Observation will only take a person so far, and I am sure you know it pains me to say so."

[for_everyone]

"Kanan was like that."

She's quiet after it. For a moment, it feels like she hadn't really said the words out loud, like it was just something she'd imagined. But there's a relief to it, in saying his name. In even briefly setting down that weight she wore every day.

"He had hope, but he was grounded, and cautious about it. And sometimes he'd like to - play the pessimist to my optimist."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

His eyebrows lift.

"Is that why your crew's strategies were so often so robust?"

Multiple minds working in tandem toward the same goal. How . . . un-Imperial.

[for_everyone]

Another extremely Thrawn response, but Hera decides not to point that out.

"I'm not sure." She's not exactly sure what Thrawn means, really.

"We had a lot of talent, and energy, and different perspectives. I'm sure that helped us."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"Different perspectives that worked together, rather than jockeying for position. This Resistance, on the whole, seems to have adopted that spirit, as well. I am . . . doubtful that the First Order does. Not given their antecedents."

Seriously, Empire. So much backstabbing, so distracting from the actual matters of getting things done. Perhaps, in the long run, that was for the best. And yet --

[for_everyone]

"The Empire was always going to be self-defeating."

Hera sets aside her rations. "It only existed for one man. Everyone and everything else was dispensable, and the only way to survive that is to be ambitious, or terrified. Do you know how much we got away with stealing from the Empire because no one would be brave enough to actually report it stolen?"

So many shuttles, Thrawn.

But then, thinking of the Empire as inevitably self-defeating was easier to say, now. After its defeat.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"I did have a list, once upon a time," Thrawn says. His mouth twitches at one corner.

"Though you are correct, the reports were very . . . thin, on the whole."

[for_everyone]

Hera shakes her head. "Working together, not against each other, was supposed to be the solution."

But her voice fades out as she speaks. She has long since learned that it's easier to spot problems than solutions.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"I daresay it can be part of a solution. But few people are naturally selfless, I have found, which can lead to trouble."

He's just saying.

[for_everyone]

Hera stays quiet for a second, her eyes forward.

"Sometimes I feel like I've only lived at this strange edge of the galaxy, where I've only seen it at its worst, or at its best."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"It is conflict that breeds that," Thrawn says, voice quiet. "This has so often been a galaxy at war, and some have always been on the front lines."

[for_everyone]

"All right."

She can agree with that. Hera turns to look back to him. "But I don't think it's easy for you to see the people behind those conflicts.

[grandadmiralartcritic]

Thrawn inhales and exhales, reaching out to take his half-empty water between his hands.

"No. And that, I am afraid, is no accident."

[for_everyone]

She keeps her eyes on him now.

"Is that something you want to change?"

[grandadmiralartcritic]

He could say that this is what he has been asking for help for. It would not be strictly true, because he has not known, all this time, precisely what it is he wanted assistance in changing.

And so --

"Yes. I am not sure how to begin, but -- yes."

[for_everyone]

Hera nods, at last blinking away, back out to the empty room.

"I can - help you with that."

She almost says try, then catches herself.

"But I can't change you."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"Is it wrong to say I find that comforting?"

Thrawn's voice is very dry.

"It will, indeed, be much for efficacious if I am capable of changing myself. I should prefer to think I am, but -- "

[for_everyone]

She lets it end there, waiting though not expecting him to continue.

When she does speak, "If you want my help, you might have to tell me about yourself."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

He frowns, turning his thermos over in his hands.

"Surely you have already looked through my records. What else is there to know?"

A momentary silence.

"Ah, you mean those pieces that are generally not contained in such files. Those things most who study such files would deem irrelevant."

[for_everyone]

"I'm not sure how to help," she says, slowly (because that was another very Thrawn answer), "without knowing why you need my help."

[grandadmiralartcritic]

"Perhaps it began with the Chiss," he says, frowning a little as he speaks.

"You've seen, I think, how much respecting the hierarchy means. When one has attained a place, a position -- when one has discovered what one's work is meant to be -- it is imperative not to deviate, not to question."

[for_everyone]

Hera listens, looking down to the floor now.

"Do you think another Chiss would've done the same in your place?"

[grandadmiralartcritic]

He wants to let go of his water, clasp his hands behind his back, take shelter in the bedrock of old commands and old habit, but --

"Many, yes. But . . . no, not all. Not all by a not-insignificant margin."